I have been married a year now and there are so many things I have learned. My husband and I are from very different places so it has made our first year of marriage very fun but also full of challenges. I come from a first world country where as Fahamu comes from one of the poorest countries in the world. I come from a ME culture and Fahamu comes from a WE culture. Even the way we grew up was completely different, but yet here we are married and spending our lives together. As we moved into our apartment I remember thinking, here we go this is it, let the fun begin.
Growing up I had the best dad. He was always put his family first. He was a hard worker that loved his family. Yes he had his faults but to me he was the perfect father. As I grew up I saw the qualities in my dad that I wanted in my future husband. I don't think its weird to want a husband that is like our fathers, especially if they are great fathers. They are the men who are our example of how a man should treat a women and an example of how a man should treat his kids. Now that I'm married I'm thankful that my father was such a great example for me.
Fahamu also came from a family with an excellent father. He learned from his father want it takes to be a great husband and leader.
I see how much Fahamu loves me through his actions. While I was sick he took care of me. Went above and beyond what he had to do. He doesn't see loving me as a chore but as choice and a choice that he loves to do.
He listens to me. Fahamu is the only person I can really talk to here (only one other person in his family can really understand english). So Fahamu gets to hear me talk a lot. But he takes the time to listen to me as well. There will be times that I will say in passing "oh I love pineapples or mangos" and the next day pineapples and mangos have appeared.
He knows me. Fahamu can tell when I'm having a bad day or when something is on my mind. He wont let me sit and stare off into the distances, he wants to hear whats on my mind. I love this because I use to keep my feelings really bottled up in fear of being made fun of or being hurt. Now I have a husband who knows when I have something on my mind and he wants to hear about it. He doesn't make fun or judge me but he comforts me.
I love Fahamu because he accepts me. As an American in the Congo, I'm very different. I think different, I eat different food and wear different clothes. Fahamu has let me be me. I know I can be weird, goofy, and random, but Fahamu sees that as my charm. He doesn't expect me to be like the African women. He wants me to be me. He tells me thats why I fell in love with you, because you are different.
When I started to write this blog I had a completely different idea of what I wanted to write. I wanted to share all the difficulties of being in a marriage with someone from a different culture. Then I realized that we have had challenges but I think they are the normal challenges of marriage. We are missionaries, living a life of faith. I think this is where most of our challenges have come. When you don't have a steady income or you don't have any idea where your next meal is coming from it can put stress on any marriage. I understand now why they say money is one of the biggest causes of divorce. Money is stressful.
God knows what he is doing when he places two people together. He is building a team. I have seen how Fahamu has given me strength. He challenges me at the right times and pursues a relationship with me. He doesn't see marriage as the last step but as the first step in a long journey. Marriage takes work but its also so much fun. Fahamu and I spend everyday all day together. I love being around him and sometimes we just sit in peace together. He has shown me how to enjoy the simple things in life. I don't know how to describe marriage but I feel like it should be something that gets better with time. Everyday I realize just how lucky I am. I thank God for placing Fahamu in my life.
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